You Will?

I'm sure you've seen the Video Professor's commercials...recently there have been a spate of these offering a free course on everything you need to know about E-bay. In the commercial, however, he makes a promise that I don't t think he means to keep. He says:

"I can't promise you that you'll become a millionaire by selling that attic full of baseball cards. But I can guarantee you that I'll teach you everything you need to know about E-bay, by cleaning out your garage, and probably putting some money in your pocket at the same time."

John, you can come on over and clean out my garage, and put some money in my pockets, anytime.

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 3
Quality: 3
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 3
Comments: Use a script editor next time

More Slimy Insurance Ads

We've all seen the Select Quote ads by now. They're annoying. The woman is always only about 75% of the man's life insurance value (not Select Quote's fault, a reflection of a larger issue). The catch? They all had a friend or relative WHO RECENTLY DIED. How morbid! As for the commercial quality - what's with the stills? If you're paying for airtime, use the airtime. If you're publishing photos, go to print.
Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 1
Quality: 1
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 1
Comments: LOWEST RATING AVAILABLE!!

Slimy Insurance Ad

I'm in the market for Health Insurance. I think I'll follow the advise of that annoying infomercial guy for bathroom cleaners: Billy Mays! This is his second appearance on this blog. I think the title clearly displays my thoughts here, but here's what is even MORE annoying about this ad. Billy Mays still doesn't seem to realize usage of an indoor voice. He's very out of market, which - even if ican is a good product, seems incongruent. It looks like he's trying to combo sign / mime the ad to the viewer. A hand gesture here and there often goes unnoticed. Not in this case - it's as though he's doing semaphore.

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 2
Quality: 2
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 1
Comments: Somebody stop this man. Or coach him.

Who is 'We'?

So, We Belong.....at the Sheraton. I'm wondering who the target audience is for this ad. In theory, Sheraton would like us to believe it could be anyone. I find it odd. Does anyone else notice that approximately 75% of the people showcased in their commercial would likely never afford, or choose to spend as much as a night at the Sheraton requires? Are these your target demographics - the Buddhist Monks greeting in a cave, the rural farmers, the Yanomamo (or similar appearing) tribe members, the young boy in Rio, Asian schoolchildren, surfers, and teenagers? Or perhaps I misunderstood the message about Sheraton launching a global hostel. I'm guessing not.

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 3
Quality: 4
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 3
Comments: Damn their usage of a catchy Pat Benetar song, all softened up! Can't get it out of my head.

ITT Technical Institute

For an educational resource, ITT didn't put much thought into their tagline: "Education for the Future". Well, let's hope so. What are the alternatives?



Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 3
Quality: 3
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 2
Comments: ...as opposed to the past?

Oy, enough with the pig already...

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 2
Quality: 4
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 2
Comments:
Developed by the American Institute of CPAs, the purpose of the PSAs are admirable: "...extending the reach of the 360 Degrees of Financial Literacy effort by launching a national Public Service Announcement campaign with the Ad Council. Called Feed the Pig, the campaign uses the traditional image of savings, the piggy bank, to encourage 25-34 year olds, also known as Career Builders, to find the benefits of saving for every stage of life. "

Unfortunately, the campaign is lame, the mascot is creepy, and - God help me - I may have more faith in today's Career Builders than the AICPA. I think that this message, in the way it exists today, is more appropriate for kids from 10 - 17, and maybe earlier. This message would be a good foundation for those earning allowance, maybe a little extra spending money from after school jobs, and the like. But this elemental message is aimed at persons who, by the age of 25, are ensconced in the working world, and already have developed some level of earning and spending skills in order to maintain a residence, transportation, and other independent living requirements.

Savings is a habit that must begin as early as children begin receiving money, from whatever sources.

Botox. Tsk, tsk tsk....

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 2
Quality: 3
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 1
Comments:
This commercial, which apparently isn't on the Botox site or YouTube, is pretty horrible - albeit of high quality. It'll be better if I make a list:
Background Music: Express Yourself. Horribly ironic that this tune would be used for an injectable poison used to paralyze facial muscles....which, I believe, is how many of us physically express ourselves.


Poisonous Irony: it's botulism, for chrissakes. It's optional paralysis. Oh, now - we really should take pity on the woman who has no self-esteem and nothing better to do with her time or money than to inject botulism into her face to temporarily reduce the appearance of wrinkles.
Histrionics: Come on, looking at a 40+ aged woman twirling, fake-smiling, and prancing around like a pre-pubescent girl is just sad. Sad and creepy.

It's Waaaay better than........something, perhaps...

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 2
Quality: 4
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 2
Comments:

These new Wendy's commercials, I suppose, are better than those ridiculous ones in which men would preach the benefits of Wendy's while wearing a Pippi Longstocking wig. Ewww. This new batch of commercials is less creepy, but still problematic. First, consider the ending tagline: "It's waaaay better than fast food." Ahem. Wendy's IS fast food. Next: the square patties -whether beef, chicken, or fish. One of the ads from this new series poses the thought :that "If beef was meant to be frozen, wouldn't cows come from Antarctica?" That premise is just too ridiculous to carve up. However, that comment is layered over footage of, what at first glance appears to be a somewhat frozen, square, thin beef patty on the grill. In the attached ad, a comment is made about people being afraid to eat what they can't identify. In the image, a woman is breaking off a corner (because it's square, natch) of a mystery meat fried patty. Only later in the ad did I realize that WAS the Wendy's patty! Speaking of not eating what I can't identify - meat that comes either in stamped out circles OR squares pretty much falls into that category. Spam, anyone?

In a (sub)class all by itself - Kinoki Foot Pads

Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: Well, they do generate a bit of web discussion. But stickiness for intent: 1.
Quality: 1
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 1 (I should have a 0 on this scale)
Comments: Laughable. LOWEST RATING POSSIBLE!!

I'll try to refrain from such craptastic product advertisements as this. However, the Kinoki Foot Pads ads are so horribly bad, I just couldn't resist. Besides being utterly ridiculous, the advertisers try to draw a parallel between the body supposedly eliminating toxins through the feet with the way trees absorb and process nutrients: from the top down. Even my neighbor's second-grader knows that trees absorb water and nutrients from their roots up. But, that's a path I don't want to spend too much time on: it's just so long, with so may problems to point out!

Billy Mays here, to tell you about....

This is a great little clip series of Billy Mays, probably a household spokesperson, who unfortunately hasn't matured yet to the maturity of logical hand gestures, or USING HIS INSIDE VOICE.



Ratings: 1 (low) to 4 (high)
Stickiness: 2.5 (we're talking about it)
Quality: 1
Hit/Miss: Miss
Overall: 1.5
Comments: Billy Mays has mechanisms that seem artificial and canned, and dammit, I just don't like being yelled at AND pointed to at the same time. Want to drive me away from whatever product is being advertised? Hawk it by one-note Billy Mays.

(No offense to Billy personally, he's made a growing career out of sales pitching. I just can't stand to hear or see it.)